Family Fun
by shireiyukio
Summary: Crack-fic. Take a peek at the life of this family of four. You'll either be amused or traumatized. Yaoi. SasuNaru and a mystery pairing. Warning! Proceed with caution.


Yosh! This is a silly crack-fic co-written by Shizuka, Rei, Yuki and Kio. Since this is the first time we try a round robin, please excuse us for any plot-holes or utter weirdness. We aim for the fic to be an entertainment, so please don't read it too critically; just relax for a laugh (if we ever managed to make you laugh.)

Warning: AU, Extreme OOC-ness, Silliness, Language weirdness, Traumatizing pairing, Yaoi.

Pairing: SasuNaru. ? x ?

Disclaimer: Naruto don't belong to us, but since the characters in our fic are nutz, they might as well be _our_ bishies.

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Family Fun

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At the jingling of the keys, the door creaked open to reveal a tall figure with gravity-defying pale grey hair. "Tadaima!" he called, and at the sight of his lover, all fatigue present on his face disappeared into a light sensual smile.

"Okaeri nasai! You must be tired dear," replied a deep nasal voice.

"It's a bad day for me today. Itachi's attitude has changed since the day he met you."

"Oh really," the nasal voice took a devious tone, "What did he do? Are you alright?"

"Yea… I was forced to have a bet," the grey-head answered with a sigh, "The one who win… would have a chance to date you. But Orochimaru dear, I would never hand you over to anyone.

Orochimaru smiled and gave his lover a hug, "Kakashi-koi, Ashiteru!"

Kakashi's smile widened to silly grin and he returned his lover's hug, "My little hebi-chan, ashiteru too. Now let's not talk about that red-eyes scar-face anymore…" Maneuvering his lover to the cozy couch in their living room, he continued, "Where are the kids? I hope they are not giving you too much trouble."

Orochimaru's demeanor instantly darkened before he flashed a sickening sweet smile at his darling-Kakashi. With a husky chilly voice, he cooed, "Of course those two rasc… I mean _angels _have been the sweetest things alive. They are currently in their room destr… I mean _playing_ with _my_ snake collections."

Kakashi, knowing that that particular tone of his koibito's means NOTHING but trouble, instantly muttered a silent curse and rushed toward his kids' room to find out what all the deal is about.

Anxious to make sure that his kids were alright, Kakashi almost slammed the door open. His only uncovered eye widened when he saw nothing but two humongous snakes, with their stomachs bloated like balloons, lying in his angels' room.

"You ass, spit it out! Spit it out!" Kakashi shouted, grabbed a nearby chair and started hitting the snakes like a mad man. "Dear! Come help me get kids out!"

Orochimaru calmly strolled into the room and coolly gestured the snakes, "Ok now, stop playing. Your papa is going crazy."

Instantly the snakes opened their mouth and two heads, a blond and a brunette, peeked out with equally disapproving looks on their faces.

"Okasan! I'm not done playing," Sasuke whined, his face scrunched in a cute little pout.

"Yea, me too," Naruto nodded with a frown and folded his arms across his chest with a huff.

"You two…!" Kakashi's crazed eye turned furious before he forced himself to take a deep breath to calm down. Keeping a frown on his face, he chided, "Sweetie, it's not funny to scare me like that."

Orochimaru giggled and hugged his lover before planting a sweet kiss on Kakashi's cheek hoping to pacify his love's anger. But the angered man just pushed him away with a scowl and threw a harsh 'Not forgiven' to his face.

Kakashi should have known _NEVER_ to upset a snake—even one that shared his bed.

"Oh sorry, hunny bun. I just thought it'd brighten up your day!" With that, Orochimaru sobbed. Hands covering his face, the snake started sniffing pitifully.

Kakashi softened at the sight. "Oh sweetie pie… don't… I'm sorry. Hush now, please," He whispered to his lover's ear and ran his fingers through Orochimaru's soft silky hair. "Ashiteru, Orochi-sweetie."

Orochimaru gave a triumph smirk and lifted his face from his hands, "Jang! Jang! Do you think I am crying? It's not the first day you know me. I don't cry so easily." The smirk turned sadistic and with eyes that promised pain and torture, he called out to the boys, "Rasc.. I mean _Angels_, bring the snakes to Daddy's studyroom. Koi… it's about time you get well-acquainted with my snakesss."

Kakashi paled and prepared to run, but not before his lover grabbed him and started dragging him to his study.

"Koi… Koibito… I don't… Ahhh… Don't do this to me. Sons, Help me…."

"Gambatte Otosan! Oyasumi!"

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In the study

Kakashi, left abandoned by his lover, was found plastered to the wall farthest from the two slithering reptiles. Not ten feet from the man, the two snakes eyed him with different degree of interest. Snake on the right, Kimimaro, just threw him a proud bored gaze, as if saying that the grey-head was not worth 'its' attention. Snake on the left, Kabuto, however was practically throwing a hissing fit. Kakashi swore that the silver seemingly bespectacled sly thing was jealous of his relationship with his Orochi-darling. He could just _see_ its beady seemingly bespectacled eyes calculating a plan to eliminate him from his koi's life. So focused was he in glaring at Kabuto, Kakashi instantlysprang to action when the reptile started slithering towards him.

"Oh god, this is not gonna be good," Kakashi cursed under his breath. He looked around frantically to see if there was anything for him to kill the damn snake with—never mind that Orochimaru will probably kills him later, he would rather suffer his koi's wrath then being snake's munchies.

Kabuto hissed in triumph as the distance between 'it' and 'it's' prey decreased.

Kimimaro, which had been half paying attention to the man-snake showdown, glided away, not wanting to participate in this 'jealousy' competition.

Kakashi panicked as Kabuto the snake closed in on him, clearly planning to attack him. 'Orochimaru… help,' he screamed mentally, desperately wanting his lover to come to his rescue but was too stubborn to scream it out loud.

The distance between the snake and the man was down to three feet. Kabuto held its head high, hissing furiously, forcing Kakashi to a corner. The man could only close his eyes and wait for the attack.

Kabuto glided swiftly, closing the distance to one foot, getting ready to sink its fangs into its love rival's leg.

_PIAK… _

Kakashi opened his eyes to Sasuke stepping…

"Otousan! I forgot to brush my teeth… Ehh?"

Kabuto laid on the ground stepped flat by the little boy, 'Help me' But before anyone could move to its rescue, or add another kick to its side…

"Otousan!" The blond came running into the room, "I forgot to…" _PIAK _"Ehhh!"and plodded over the _much_ flattened snake.

Kakashi eyed the flatten Kabuto lying on the ground and breathed a sigh of relief. He was saved by his sons. Turning to both his angels and feeling particularly grateful, he pulled both boys close for a hug. "Thanks."

"Aww, that's so sweet," Orochimaru's sweet (or rather, sickening) voice called out, he leaned against the doorway to the room and eyed the heartwarming scene with slight jealousy. "Now now rasc… _Angels_, go back to your room, your father needs to have his bath."

The boys nodded and Naruto picked up Kabuto before they ran off to their room.

"Okay sweetie, go for your bath. The water's gonna get cold if you don't go now." Orochimaru cooed to his lover with a sly glint in his eyes.

"Right, thanks hunny," Kakashi smiled and headed towards the bathroom. At reaching the door to the shower, he stopped in his track to face his 'sweetie pie' with a teasing wink, "Wanna join me?"

Orochimaru gave his a lover an innocent look, "But I've already taken my bath." Sauntering towards Kakashi, his face turned seductive, "However… if you give me a kiss dear, I might not mind a second dip."

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In the bathroom

"Can you wash my back for me, love?"

"Yes of courssss."

"Ahah… Harder… Harder… Orochi-darling.. Harder"

"Hehe… Hehe…say... you mentioned Itachi just now, what really happened between the both of you?"

A pause.

"He said that… you are not good enough for me. He wants me, and he will do anything, even dating you, to take you away from me. But I will only love you, ever."

Another pause. A distinct sound of licking and a strangled moan.

"Don't worry koi… I will nevvvver let him take you away from me."

"Ah! Orochi… ah… ah… ahhhh!"

"Kakashi! No… no… Kaka… Ahhhhh!"

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Outside at the closed door of the bathroom

"What are Okasan and Otousan doing?"

"I… erm… I'm not sure," Sasuke fidgeted and looked at his 'brother' uneasily, "Wan... wanna try?"

"Ehh… Do you?" Naruto replied with unblinking owlish eyes.

Sasuke looked at the blond, and after seemingly coming to the greatest decision of his life, nodded. They went back to their room and took off their clothes, then headed to the adjoining bathroom.

Sasuke stared at Naruto's bare tanned back, thoughts running more and more into the gutter. His 'brother' just stood right in the middle of their bathroom, too dense to even realize how his naked body was turning Sasuke into a 'starving' beast ready to pounce on his 'prey'. However before Sasuke could put his plan/plans into actions or risk dying of a nosebleed, Naruto turned around and flashed the brunette a disarming smile.

Sasuke stood stone-still in the path of Naruto's 'beam', too lost to understand what was happening until he was seated in front of a deeply-concentrated blond. He watched in morbid fascination as his 'brother' brought a washcloth to his own pale bare chest.

"Naru-chan, what ar… Ahhhhhh!"

Naruto had literally scraped the cloth across Sasuke's chest.

"Ahh… What are you doing, Na-ah-chan?" Sasuke tried to pull Naruto away, "Stop it… Ah… You're washing me too… ah… hard… nng."

The blond ignored him and continued scrubbing diligently.

"What are… ah…"

He continued.

"What the… nnng…"

He continued.

"Naru… ah…"

He continued…

"I say STOP it!" Sasuke punched the blond sending him flying to the ceiling. Naruto collided head-on with the wall and slid to the floor in a dead heap.

"Naru-chan?"

The blond lay still, dead to the world.

"Naru-chan?"

No reply.

Sasuke paled, anxiously went forward to check up the boy. With shaking hands, the brunette turned the blond over and… sighed.

Naruto's eyes were closed.

Naruto drooled…

...Snore

The blond had fallen asleep.

Sasuke gave an exasperated sigh and dragged the 'dead log' of his 'brother' back to their room and onto their bed. Lying besides the boy, he brushed away a stray lock of sunshine from his 'brother's' whiskered cheek and cooed at how adorable the blond was.

"Naru-chan is so cute" Sasuke let his mind wandered before he shook his head as he realized his thought was heading towards _danger_ zone. Settling down beside Naruto, the brunette pulled the blond closer for warmth.

"Good night!" He smiled and to his surprise, Naruto grabbed him by his shoulder and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. With half-lid eyes and a sleepy voice, the blond whispered a "Good night, Sas' ke" and cuddled the brunette.

Sasuke felt his face burned and he gently rubbed the spot Naruto had kissed. Glancing shyly at his 'brother', who was fast asleep, he felt himself drawn to the cute sleeping face. The brunette leaned forward with his eyes closed, unable to resist the temptation, closer and closer he leaned and harder and harder his heart thumped. He could already feel the soft, warm skin of Naruto when Kakashi, with Orochimaru in his arms, burst into the room.

"Ahhh…" Sasuke yelled and fell off the bed, onto the floor with his face blazing with embarrassment. _Shit! Did they see that?_

"Ah sweetie, why aren't you asleep? Look at Naruto, he's already sleeping like a log," Kakashi smiled at Sasuke fondly.

"Phew…" Sasuke let out a sigh of relief; thanking all the gods he knew that his 'parents' didn't see what they shouldn't see. He glanced at Naruto, or rather his forehead, the target of the intended kiss. He was so close to planting the kiss on _that_ forehead! Sasuke felt so cheated that he had to bite his lip to prevent himself from whining at the loss. _Damn!_

"Now hunny, let's go back to our room. You don't want to disturb the kids from sleeping, do you?" Orochimaru smiled sweetly and dragged his long nail across Kakashi's neck suggestively.

"O..okay honey bun! Good night, my angels!" With that Kakashi nearly slammed the door shut and ran to the master bedroom with his lover in his arms.

Sasuke stared at the shut door for a second before crawling back up onto his bed. Cuddling with his Naru-chan, Sasuke placed a chaste kiss on the blond's forehead and another boldly at the whiskered cheek. He grinned like an idiot, feeling extremely satisfied with himself. Just as he was about to finally close his eyes and fell asleep in his Naruto's haven of warmth, his eyes snapped open at his 'mother's' screaming.

"Ah…ahhh… Kaka… Ahh…"

Sasuke groaned, "Why me…"

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...Owari...

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I know. It's weird and scary but we hope it hasn't been too bad. Reviews will be VERY much appreciated since most of us are newbies in fic writing. And, pretty please, as much as we know our fic can be traumatizing, no flame please, it will break our hearts.

P.S. Most of us (Except maybe Shizuka) find KakaOro scary, we hope you think so too.

Review please!


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